NOT EVERYONE IS UPSET THE FIREWORKS HAVE BEEN CANCELLED
This letter is from our February 1, 2017 edition

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Dear Jasper, Jane here. You know, Jane Doe, a deer (a female deer).

Hey how about this weather? It’s so weird! I was down by the highway last week having a little lick when it dawned on me: it is freakin’ warm out. Now, I’m all for a respite from the December deep freeze (I sleep outside, remember) but what’s with the early thaw? My internal clock is confused—this winter weight I put on by gorging myself all summer is kind of embarrassing when it’s beach weather, plus the constant sunshine is causing my thick winter coat to shed. Not a good look!

Anyway, the reason I’m writing isn’t to complain about the rapidly warming climate (nothing we can do to combat that, right guys?) but to speak for the rest of my forest friends on this strange tradition you humans have. What do you call them…fireworks? You know, when the peaceful evening sky turns into a kaleidoscopic nightmare and the entire Athabasca Valley sounds like a Yosemite Sam TED Talk? 

Look, I know you folks like to stare at bright lights and who doesn’t like to scare the hell out of domestic dogs, but half an hour of 190 decibel explosions in a national park? What a way to get a quick scat sample from a dozen different species of wildlife!

I know they’re popular with the kids and obviously the city folk dig them, but next year, could you tone down the boom-boom? I just about ran in front of a bus. Talk about deer in the headlights!

Your (other) four-legged friend

Jane Doe